Hey so this is just a test of the WP Tasty plugin, it seems to work well! And it has a nice prominent “jump to recipe” link and a “print recipe” thingum so yeah I think this will work for my recipes and shit.
Now in order to properly test the Jump to Recipe link, we need a wall of text to precede the recipe. Right? Sure. So here we go. Buckle up.
Listen, y’all know I will talk so much shit about Sysco and Gordon but let me tell you internets, GFS has 1-pound butter prints for 3bux. They have 36-packs of Pepper Zero My Beloved for $17.99. They have trays of 30 (36?) gotdam EGGS for LESS THAN $7 HOLY SHIT ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL RIGHT NOW? Eggs! Fuck me sideways, a damn DOZEN of the good eggs is like $4 at HEB! Like, I know at least a couple of those 30someodd eggs are going to be cracked or whatever but HOLY SHIT!
I would have walked out of there with a gallon of blue raspberry syrup and perhaps also a gallon of tiger blood syrup if it came in sugar free, oh my god. Do I need a gallon or perhaps two of snowcone-slushie-beverage-whatever syrup? Hell no I don’t! Would I have gotten it and been set for life on Foofoo Water Flavor Enhancers? HELL YEAH!
And the meat! Jesus Christ, the meat! I came SO close to getting that pork tenderloin. A whole ass pork tenderloin for 5bux and change! I could make some bangin’ chashu out of that!
Oh shit wait my bad, we’re supposed to be talking about cake pops here because that’s what the recipe is. Yeah. OK. So let’s talk about cake pops. People have actually (snrk) asked me for (pfffhaha) my CAKE POP RECIPE lmaooooooooooooooo omg.
Here’s the recipe: do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the recipe.
I’m not kidding, man. You don’t need a damn recipe for cake pops. You need [counts on fingers real quick] four, maybe five things:
- Cake (duh?)
- Moistening Agent
- Chocolate or candy coating
- Sticks
- Maybe some sprinkles and shit?
That’s it. Whatever cake you want. If it has frosting on it? Leave that shit on! You don’t have to scrape it off! Moistening agent? Could be anything that makes a cake wet! Frosting! Any kind of frosting! Even shit from a can if that’s what you can get! Or you could use jam, or flavored simple syrup, or milk, or even liqueurs or whatever booze you want! Go nuts! I don’t care!
So you moisten your cake into Cake Playdoh and then you roll it into balls and you shove sticks in ’em and dip ’em in melted chocolate or “candy wafers” and you put them in your face and that’s it. Make you some cake pops. Right now.
PrintCake Pops
Got a dry cake? A couple leftover cupcakes? Some scraps and trimmings, maybe? Don’t throw them away. Upcycle them. Yes. Upcycle your food. Do it.
- Prep Time: Depends on how many balls you have to dip
- Cook Time: N/A
- Total Time: 0 hours
- Yield: Depends on how much cake you have
- Category: Treats
Ingredients
- Dry cake, leftover cake/cupcakes, cake debris from leveling/trimming
- Moistening agent of choice (buttercream, other frosting, jam, milk, coffee, booze, etc. etc.)
- Chocolate or candy coating (the kind you melt)
- Sticks
- Sprinkles (optional)
Instructions
- Crumble ya cake into a big bowl.
- Add moistening agent(s) of your choice, a little at a time, and squish with ya hands until you get a moldable dough that holds its shape.
- Using a spoon, a purple portion scoop, or ya fingies, form dough into balls (just shy of ping pong ball size is ideal)
- Chill the balls for a few minutes until firm.
- Melt just a little of your chocolate or candy wafers. Don’t use those shits from Michaels, they’re chalky and too thick for good dipping. Dip a stick about 1/2″ into the melted chocolate or candy stuff and poke it into a cake ball. Repeat until you run out of balls or sticks.
- Chill again. We want our balls cold.
- Melt enough coating to dip your balls in it.
- Work quickly here. Dip your chilled balls into the coating stuff. Shake and tap gently to get the excess to drip off. There is a very narrow window between “still dribbling” and “set” so if you’re using sprinkles, get them shits on before your stuff sets.
- You can set your dipped pops on a plate to set but this leaves them with an ugly flat top. I have a fake styrofoam cake with holes poked in it that I use as a drying holder for my cake pops.
- Package your pops with lil baggies and twist ties and maybe stickers and ribbons and shit if you want.
- Serve. Make everyone think this was hard or something.
Notes
No fr though you will get so many compliments on cake pops and nobody has to know they were made out of fucked up dry cake and storebought canned frosting and whatnot.
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